That's what I have. My husband can do wonderful, wonderful things in the kitchen whereas I can't seem to hold my own. I thought I use to do okay. I'd make lasagna with chicken and zucchini, baked chicken in a creamy mushroom sauce, butternut squash enchiladas. They all tasted good. I know so because my son told me so.
When I became pregnant I began to experience some strange things. Much like many women I couldn't focus and had my head in the clouds. I became incredibly forgetful despite my best efforts of making lists and notes on sticky-pads placed on my mirror, T.V.,toilet, door, fridge, steering wheel, etc.
One time during a pregnancy I burned hard-boiled eggs. I boiled those bad boys so much the water disappeared... or maybe I didn't put any in to begin with. {Shrug} Either way, my eggs clacked around the pot much like popcorn and sent the fire alarm off.
Another time (during pregnancy, of course) I stood hovering over the stove warming tortillas. My favorite pregnancy foods are cheese, eggs and pineapple by the way. All I wanted was a small quesadilla and after being nauseous all day I deserved it. So there I stood at the stove, dazing off into the golden-orange flame that suddenly crept up out from under the fry pan and engulfed my tortilla.
To this day I do not recall what went so wrong on either of those adventures. I had pictures of my popcorn-eggs but lost them to a deadened hard-drive.
So, one day while my husband and I reflected on the last pregnancy, he gently brought the most obvious thing to my attention:
Kids Will Eat Anything.
No really, they will. Some of them will believe anything too. (I know so because one night I boiled down an entire onion in hopes the reduction would help soothe Dollie's colic. It didn't but boy did the house STINK! Anyways, as I was mashing the onion remains and impatiently waiting for it to cool I noticed that it looked like applesauce. So I called Monkey over and asked him to be my taste-tester. Lemme tell you, the kid was ALL about it! To this day I don't know if he was being nice to spare my feelings or if he really did think the onion-mash was "OK".)
And that's when it hit me. How could I have been so naive?? The same little boy who told me how yummy my lasagna was a year back was the same little boy who would have taken the whole bowl of onion reduction to the table to finish it off. That could only mean one thing... I CAN'T COOK!
My husband, the Chef, confirmed it.
OUCH!
Here are some pictures of dishes that I made - all by my self - (see, I had to include that because if a future employer were to ever see these and connect them to my husband he would never again find gainful employment of this I am certain.):
When I became pregnant I began to experience some strange things. Much like many women I couldn't focus and had my head in the clouds. I became incredibly forgetful despite my best efforts of making lists and notes on sticky-pads placed on my mirror, T.V.,toilet, door, fridge, steering wheel, etc.
One time during a pregnancy I burned hard-boiled eggs. I boiled those bad boys so much the water disappeared... or maybe I didn't put any in to begin with. {Shrug} Either way, my eggs clacked around the pot much like popcorn and sent the fire alarm off.
Another time (during pregnancy, of course) I stood hovering over the stove warming tortillas. My favorite pregnancy foods are cheese, eggs and pineapple by the way. All I wanted was a small quesadilla and after being nauseous all day I deserved it. So there I stood at the stove, dazing off into the golden-orange flame that suddenly crept up out from under the fry pan and engulfed my tortilla.
To this day I do not recall what went so wrong on either of those adventures. I had pictures of my popcorn-eggs but lost them to a deadened hard-drive.
So, one day while my husband and I reflected on the last pregnancy, he gently brought the most obvious thing to my attention:
Kids Will Eat Anything.
No really, they will. Some of them will believe anything too. (I know so because one night I boiled down an entire onion in hopes the reduction would help soothe Dollie's colic. It didn't but boy did the house STINK! Anyways, as I was mashing the onion remains and impatiently waiting for it to cool I noticed that it looked like applesauce. So I called Monkey over and asked him to be my taste-tester. Lemme tell you, the kid was ALL about it! To this day I don't know if he was being nice to spare my feelings or if he really did think the onion-mash was "OK".)
And that's when it hit me. How could I have been so naive?? The same little boy who told me how yummy my lasagna was a year back was the same little boy who would have taken the whole bowl of onion reduction to the table to finish it off. That could only mean one thing... I CAN'T COOK!
My husband, the Chef, confirmed it.
OUCH!
Here are some pictures of dishes that I made - all by my self - (see, I had to include that because if a future employer were to ever see these and connect them to my husband he would never again find gainful employment of this I am certain.):
Not too bad to look at but the chicken breast (not my friend) was dry and the rice was under-cooked. What an understatement! The rice was flat out crunchy.
This was supposed to be baked butter and garlic chicken with spanish rice.
The flavor was great but the skinless/boneless thing messed me up. Yeah, and the water thing for the rice. My mom (yet another awful cook but her flaw at least developed over many years; at one time she was good... or maybe I was a kid) taught me to place my finger on the top of the rice while its in the pot and fill up with water to there. I'm pointing to the first crease/knuckle after my fingernail. 'Lotta good that did me. Effin' crunchy rice. What Mexican do you know that can't make spanish rice? Like ever? {Sigh} Just me. I know.
This was supposed to be baked butter and garlic chicken with spanish rice.
The flavor was great but the skinless/boneless thing messed me up. Yeah, and the water thing for the rice. My mom (yet another awful cook but her flaw at least developed over many years; at one time she was good... or maybe I was a kid) taught me to place my finger on the top of the rice while its in the pot and fill up with water to there. I'm pointing to the first crease/knuckle after my fingernail. 'Lotta good that did me. Effin' crunchy rice. What Mexican do you know that can't make spanish rice? Like ever? {Sigh} Just me. I know.
Same dish. Same night. This was after I sat down and started shoveling disregarding the crunch. Then I noticed the rice was - OMG. SO. SPICY! Yowza! So, not only was I left to nourish myself but my kids as well. Dollie was so lucky she wasn't really eating solids for this. Monkey on the other hand let his big almond-shaped brown eyes bug out of his skull it was so hot. Quick on my feet, I scraped all of the rice back in the pot and turned up the heat, added water (again times 4) and threw in a can of black beans. Barely saved it.
Finally something edible! These are tacos made with ground turkey, bag-o-salad lettuce and already-shredded cheese (the Mexican Fiesta blend). This was good-ish. Apparently I forgot to season the meat so the best part was the cheddar cheese. HA!
Ah. My fave - assuming it comes out OK. This is teriyaki-baked chicken thighs, steamed rice and the only savory thing I can do right - roasted veggies.
Chicken with skin and bones is fattier and does me huge favors like sealing in the flavors and moisture so its harder for me to over-cook it. This rice was what my Chef calls "accidental cous-cous risotto". I drizzled (fatty) chicken drippings over the top because soy sauce makes me gag. The veggies are skin-on red potatoes and zucchini. Oh and carrots. Carrots messed up my veggies but overall this dish was edible.
Chicken with skin and bones is fattier and does me huge favors like sealing in the flavors and moisture so its harder for me to over-cook it. This rice was what my Chef calls "accidental cous-cous risotto". I drizzled (fatty) chicken drippings over the top because soy sauce makes me gag. The veggies are skin-on red potatoes and zucchini. Oh and carrots. Carrots messed up my veggies but overall this dish was edible.
Now, here are some pictures of the way things look when my Chef isn't working all night and I am not forced to survive on my own skill. These are from Thanksgiving dinner and guess what?
I did the stuffing, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes and potato boats.
My Chef did the turkey and the macaroni and cheese (of course all from scratch but whatever.)
Thanksgiving dinner turned out fantastic. I don't know how my Chef does it but every year his turkey and mac n cheese gets better and better. As for me, all I can say is YAY! I didn't burn the kitchen down and I didn't forget any ingredients. I'm also not pregnant so I'm thinking my No-Cook Kitchen might be warming up this winter.
Til next time, that's all this Chef's Wife has. Thanks for reading and please check back soon for another exciting read Inside the Mind of a (Chef's) Wife, Mama (x2) and (Seattle) Doula.
Til next time, that's all this Chef's Wife has. Thanks for reading and please check back soon for another exciting read Inside the Mind of a (Chef's) Wife, Mama (x2) and (Seattle) Doula.
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